We have a new woman at work. and, [excuse me while i dish out the following disclaimer: she is surely not a bad person, i'm sure she is very nice and good hearted, the bile which i am about to unleash towards her is purely rooted in my personal issues- i.e. based on the fact that i am a dark wizard of hate and have none of those feelings or moral restraints which prevent you from wanting to punch people]
I WANT TO PUNCH HER!!!
here is a list of things she does which provokes this reaction of stomach clenching annoyance-
- makes hideous jokes which everyone ignores / inwardly cringes at then does a horrific lawnmower-starting-up type laugh at her own hilarity.
- inserts 'sort of like' into the middle of sentences in an random and unwarranted manner
OK- i myself could be accused of accidently dropping the L-bomb several times a sentence... but you are 50 YEARS OLD! your time to be doing that is OVAH.
- stares at you for a few seconds too long while talking to you, just too long that its kind of awkward and you find yourself backing away in a kind of involuntary creeped out reaction
- does 'listening' whilst on the phone in the following manner:
waggling head up and down like a creepy puppet, shaking of disgusting bowl-shaped hairdo, mouth hanging open like dazed bovine , smacking of lips together to make vile and uneccessary salivary noises.
- talks to self, but only in sounds, such as 'hmmm' 'aaaah' 'oh!' ....
like- are you trying to draw my attention so that i enquire as to the purpose of this managerie of unexplained noises...? or do you EVEN REALISE YOU ARE DOING THEM?
i have literally moved desks to get away from this hideous carnival of painful uncomfortableness.
if she tries to come over here i will literally have to smash my way out through the nearest window and run off into the sunset like a rogue indian chief.
MAKE IT STOP
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