My hair stinks of musty smoke cos i spent a lot of it festering in my friend's new flat, and i can't get the taste of onion off my tongue. Despite prolonged brushings and listerine.
Probably didnt help that i crunched about half a raw onion from one of those little bags of what me and my partner call 'crack salad', that they give you with Indian takeaways, which is basically a bag of shredded onion with the occasional treat in the form of a slither (yeah i know its sliver but i like slither better. its onomatopoeiac!) of tomato or cucumber.
Other things i rammed down my face-hole included onion bhajis, alloo gobi (spiced potato and cauliflower), saag paneer (indian cheese and spinach), channa masala (spicy chickpeas) and malai kofta (vegetable and almond spicy balls in a thick creamy sauce.)
My FAVEST curry
It was the cherry on the cake of an epic weekend!
But now i am such a fatty fat fat, i should really stay away from diving boards in case people ask my mother not to park her van on them.
Friday night i finished work at 7 and went out for dinner with my partner's family, I had a tart made of asparagus and a local cheese called Flower Marie, with buttery potatoes and salad. For pudding i had chocolate and hazelnut tort which literally made me feel like i was going into a diabetic sugar-coma.
It was awesome.
Then i went home and got wasted on gin with my friend til we eventually passed out at 4 in the morning.
We ate breakums in the garden with my partner, veggie sausages, hash browns, scrambled eggs and congealed beans [BEST way to serve them. try it. i urge you.] and laid on the grass trying not to die and talking about why having sex in the sea wouldn't work
Me: it might be pretty good but like.... the main problem is all the water...
C: I think thats basically the point of the sea.. that its MADE of water!
Me: Yeah i know but despite the fact that its wet... it doesnt really like.... provide much... um... lubrication...?
J: exactly!
Me: ...but you can get waterproof lube, maybe you could just use that. (to C) you'd have to hang it round your neck like one of those money holders! shotgun you have to wear it!
C: what?? why do I have to?
Me: because I have made my contribution to the provision of lubricant, now its time to do your share.
This is the kind of conversations that the three of us indulge in regularly. We do not have what would be described as boundaries, when it comes to conversational topics.
That night we went to Cafe Rouge!
I had a houmous baguette with seasoned chips and salad.
Just over 12 hours later i frequented Cafe Rouge again, to stave off hangover mark II with a gruyere omlette and sautee potatoes. YUM.
That afternoon i had bbq at my friend's newly purchased house, pepper, onion and tomato bbq'ed skewers, and a veggie burger.
This was at about 6pm. Between 6 and 9 we watched 3 solid hours of Peep show and drank our way through a crate of teeny french beers.
By 9.30 our inhumanoid bellies were demanding sustenance again so we got OBSCENE and uneccesary ammounts of takeaway (as detailled above).
So now i am just a fat kid. A fat kid that smells like onions.
But if i had my time over....... i would do it all again!
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