15 Day challenge, done in ONE DAY! eat my dust bitchez

Day 15
15 Basic facts about you:
- I am 22 years old but for some reason I always go to say 23 then correct myself
- I am a girl, but only in a female biological sense. I don’t much reckon on the idea of innately ‘girl’ or innately ‘boy’. I think these are things we are taught from the minute our mumma’s friends and relatives start picking out pink or blue babygrows as a congratulations gift.
- I studied politics at Cardiff university
- I plan to do my masters this year in Political Communications.
- I work in insurance, I have done for a year, and I am ramming my resignation letter right where the sun don’t shine as soon as I have saved enough for my masters.
- My parents are still together.
- They met when they were 16.
- I don’t have one best friend, but I have a close inside circle.
- I would be described as slim. I know this because that is how people describe me.
- My absolute fave rave is Cecil Ingram Parsons.
- I love food, its one of my favourite hobbies.
- My ears are pierced once in each lobe, my left tragus has a stud and my navel is pierced with a bar.
- I used to wear a belly bar that said ‘eat me’ but my partner made me change it for a green jewel one
- I have a thing for cartoon owls
- I wear a ring round my neck which my Grandad bought my Nanna on their anniversary when they were on holiday in Amsterdam, it has a ruby and reminds me not to give up on love.

Day 14
14 not so basic facts about you:

- I never use more than 4 eggs in one go because its disrespectful to the hens.
- I used to have a serious phobia of sick, I couldn’t stand to think of anyone being sick or hear or see it. I quickly got over it when my friends discovered alcohol and forgot about self restraint. It took me several years of devoted binge drinking til I finally blew chunks myself, it was on the pavement outside a barbers shop downstairs from the steps to my friend’s flat.
- I am creeped about germs but in a totally contradictory way, I clean my hands thoroughly and disinfect with alcohol, if someone is ill I disinfect eeeeverything including boiling toothbrushes. I once heard when you flush the toilet a plume of bacteria flies out so I usually put the lid down with my foot.
However - I will drop food on the floor, shout ‘three second rule!!’ and scarf it down anyway.
- I’m terrified of flying. I think its cos when I was young my mum always used to puke on flights.
- Unlike what seems like every other person on the planet I don’t think cheating is that bad of a thing.
- However I am fiercely loyal to my friends and loved ones and when people hurt them I never ever properly forgive them.
- I am really attracted to guys with grey hair, or better salt and pepper hair. I think it’s so sexy.
- My favourite place to eat out is Harvester. My dad despairs of me on the basis of this fact. But with unlimited salad cart it pays to be plebbish old man.
- When I’m happy I rub my feet together
- I used to cry at the Chuckle Brothers when I was a baby because I didn’t like it at the end when angry people always shouted. That mentality has pretty much stuck with me through life.
- Sometimes I don’t wear a bra all day as a treat
- I am a master of the art of the nature-pee
- I only narrowly avoided missing the last two flights I took, the first because I was in the pub, the second because I was in a veggie burger restaurant.
- I always wanted to be bisexual, I’m not sure if I am, and I’m not sure if its even as simple as that.

Day 13
13 ways to break the ice:

- get drunk
- do a stupid face / voice / impression and totally imbarrass myself
- find something you are both mutually nerdy about and rant on about it
- get drunk
- ask them mind-numbing questions about what they study / what they do… inwardly kick self for being so boring, kind of like a boring aunt. Apologise for aforementioned boringness.
- Laugh for no reason. NB: This doesn’t usually break the ice it just makes me look like a general loon
- do something massively retarded like go; ‘seeeeeeeeeeehw. This is awkward!’
- I
- Don’t
- usually
- break
- the
- ice ….

Day 12
12 signs you’re into someone:

- I take the piss out of them
- I secretly remember things they’re into and then casually bring them up as if I had no idea they were into them too.
- I probe mutual friends for details on them
- I plant secret messages with mutual friends about how I like them, like ‘omg I think they’re fucking fit but DON’T tell them.’ Knowing full well they will tell them.
- I see how long it takes them to reply to my texts then double it before I reply to theirs.
- Eyefucking. Never underestimate the power of eyefucking.
- If they bring up the fact that we like each other I am adamant that I am only interested in fucking them and nothing more. (stick that up your arrogance pipe!)
- I’m secretly kind to them when no one’s looking
- I hate to eat around them and don’t get comfortable doing it for AGES. Then when I’m REALLY into someone I turn into a complete hog / feeder, stuffing my face ALL THE TIME and persuading them to join in.
- I meet their family. I hate meeting families so this is a BIG deal
- I never call them by their real name, and choose instead from a menagerie of ridiculous alter-egos and names I create for them
- I smell them when I think they aren’t looking.

Day 11
11 signs you’re not into someone:

- I take the piss out of them
- I roll my eyes at things they get enthusiastic about
- I forget they even text me in the first place, and don’t reply for days
- I wheel out my special ‘look’ reserved for people who annoy and disgust me
- I don’t make eye contact
- I make excuses not to meet up with them. Over and over again.
- I don’t listen to what they talk about or even really pretend to.
- I employ physical barriers to keep them away from me, like cushions or notebooks
- I think about kissing them and do a little bit of sick in my mouth
- I give them nicknames like ‘Dave the Bastard’ (real guy)
- I do horrible drawings of them and wrap them in sausage meat and call them a sausage muncher.

Day 10
10 things you do when you’re bored:

- Force myself not to boredom eat
- read blogs of people I don’t know and will never meet
- look at beautiful things I want on Etsy
- answer questionnaires like this
- plan future outfits
- plan future dinners
- stalk people I don’t care about on Facebook
- watch series like Mighty Boosh and Thick of It that I’ve seen billions of times before
- check my phone repeatedly and obsessively
- decide to take up a new hobby, research it enthusiastically for about an hour. Never think about it again.

Day 9
9 things that make you happy:

- eating cheese-laden and calorific foods
- waking up and being able to turn over and go back to sleep
- My beautiful and insane friends and the beautifully insane things they do. Recent activity:
A ninja bbq, where we all dressed up and ninja-ed out to a field by the river to get wasted and eat burgers
- laughing with someone so much it makes my stomach hurt
- A pair of FUGLY pink bed socks with a picture of a penguin on which say Chillin’. My friend hates them and has threatened to burn them but I love them, they make me feel snugly J
- Stuffed animals and beanies. At the moment on my bed I have a ty monkey with creepy bug-eyes, an easter rabbit with a carrot, some terrifying relic from my childhood which has one ear and brown dead eyes, and a leopard ‘jungle chum’.
When I’m upset a new toy animal will always cheer me up.
- Going somewhere new and exploring.
- Roasts
- The Cinema

Day 8
8 things you’re known for:

- Hoggishness and disturbing stomach capacity for a size 8 girl
- My evil cackle
- Persistent and rampant drunkenness
- Ridiculous denial of the aforementioned drunkenness ‘I’ve drunk… this whole bottle of whiskey……. And um not even drrunk!!’
- Being in love with peoples’ dads
- being painfully quiet when I don’t know people
- doing ridiculous things and justifying them with ‘it was funny!’
- being tragically competitive when it comes to Cluedo…

Day 7
7 things you want to do:

- visit Russia
- Travel across America
- Run the marathon
- be vegetarian forever
- be a maid of honour at my best friends’ weddings. I am totally willing to put up with the rank dress and accompanying them to the toilet duty, as long as I get total jurisdiction over the hen night. And there will be no L-plates / fairy wings / limos / screeching like slutty orang-utans. But it will be AWESOME.
- stay in a hotel room with a Jacuzzi
- make goats cheese from my own goats and eat it on a pizza

Day 6
6 things you’ll never do:

- eat meat
- make babies
- accept racism, sexism or any form of bigotry
- Dive with sharks. I HATE them with all the hatred in my black empty heart. They scare the CRAP out of me.
- give up carbs. In your DREAMS Dr Atkins
- buy Crocs. I think they look absolutely vile / hilarious. Hilariously vile. And I hope who ever created them is sat back on a giant throne of money dying of laughter at what he’s got people to wear.

Day 5
5 good things about you:
- I hate for peoples’ feelings to get hurt and always think about what I say to people.
- I buy awesome presents. I never settle for chocolate or flowers, I will hunt like a stubborn wolf for something that will suit someone perfectly and that they’ll be pleased with.
- I’m not fake. If I don’t like someone I don’t pretend that we’re besties, and if something’s wrong I won’t pretend everything’s fine. This can however be a bad thing…
But I hate people who smile at your face then laugh at you as soon as your back is turned. I would never ever be like that.
- I’m a feeder, I love cooking for people and making them eat big fat portions. I hate to think of people going hungry so I feed anyone I can.
- I’m told I’m good at diffusing crap situations with humour, e.g.
The year before last we were meeting at a petrol station to go for a walk by a river, we all got there early and parked to wait for my friend, as she pulled in off the main road she didn’t look in her rear view and was hit in the side by a beasty people carrier. Nobody was hurt but she got out of the car and immediately burst into tears, we ran over but before we could do anything a woman in another car (she was a Serena Williams look alike in a red conservative and a white minidress) had leapt out and clasped hold of my friend and was grasping her to her vast and heaving basoomas. We all stood there awkwardly for a bit then when my friend eventually calmed down enough to get back in the car I got in with her to check she was ok, she says the first thing I said to her after the accident was ‘fucking hell mate…..’ then started laughing.

Like some kind of unhelpful Super Hans character. When I think back I’m like what was I thinking??? But she said it was the perfect way to make her laugh and realise things could have been a lot worse. We now refer to the incident only as Smash City.

Day 4
4 bad things about you:
- I cannot fake my feelings, which can lead to me being a stroppy c*nt to people because I’m mad at them without telling them why
- I find it hard to express my feelings and conflict terrifies me = see above for result of this
- I take things WAY too personally and get mad at people when they never meant to upset me
- I am an UNREASONABLE drunken liability at times. Which times? Always times.

Day 3
3 ways to make you cry:

- make me really scared. When I’m scared my eyes start welling up with tears for NO apparent reason
- talk to me about something I’m upset about while I’m drunk… or don’t. unless you want to DROWN in my ridiculous tears.
- Shout at me. I Hate confrontation.

Day 2
2 ways to win your heart:

- make me a mix CD
- Make me a big fat breakfast :)


Day 1
1 thing you need to say:

- Everyone’s a winner with brinner.