SO I have let this blog fall into disrepute and stagnancy, and as Daniel Craig aka James Bond says, my hobby is RESURRECTION.
FOR SOME REASON this scene was one that really stayed with me...
ANYWAY as such I have elected to blog the week remaining until I go to South Africa to wedding-crash the wedding of someone I have never met! I am not what you would call ‘good in social situations’ of the awkward variety or otherwise but I am trying to HEAL AND GROW, HEAL AND GROW after my previously unfortunate wedding experiences, so I have drawn up a list of guidelines to help.
1- DO NOT get so drunk you have to be dragged like a sack of potatoes back to the hotel before the couple even do their first dance
(This happened)
2- DO NOT get bored and assign self a catering role and begin drunkenly serving people drinks.
(This also happened)
3- Five drinks is the POINT OF NO RETURN after which dancing is Not Allowed. Especially not of a ‘sexy’ variety. But even more especially not of ANY variety whatsoever.
4- Create a list of interesting and non-controversial ‘talking points’, and stick to these when spoken to by any unknown mystery-shoppers.
This is a task I can do on the 11 HOURS FLIGHT from Paris to Capetown.
Oh yeah, did I mention that i have to do an ELEVEN HOUR FLIGHT and I as a nervous flyer at the best of times I am absolutely shiteing it.
What doesn’t help also is that I am flying with Air France, and when I googled ‘Air France’ to get to their website half the things that came up are about the 2009 plane crash disaster, in which – from what I gather from my extensive and manic googling- the pilots became airless and delirious, and kept trying to pull up the nose of the plane up and up until it got to air which was too thin, and the wings sliced through it like butter and it FELL OUT OF THE SKY.
welp.
I wish they gave out cats on planes. Cats that I could accidentally hurt with my overzealous panicky love.
anywho this week I have been mostly panicking and googling plane crashes in the manner of Rain Man. This, we call: mission preparation for South Africa!
I have also made a helpful to-do list and then done none of the stuff on it.
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If I make it onto (and off) that plane alive and not as a small capsule of human-residue I will be MOST, MOST surprised.
Surprised and hungry.
